Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the gym,
The equipment was dusty because no one came in.
The weights they laid there so cold and so bare,
With hopes a fanatic would come lift his fair share.
The members were home, with ice cream and spoon,
With no thoughts of squats anytime soon.
Their trainer at home was taking a nap,
Knowing that none of them were out running laps.
Then, outside there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
I looked out the window and what did I see?
Jolly Ol Saint Nick was staring at me.
I welcomed him in and made him a drink,
A single-malt scotch, Glenlivit I think.
He shouted and yelled that he needed to eat,
So we sat down at the table for a late night treat.
Oh sausage, Oh donuts, Oh chicken and waffles,
We went Middle Eastern and fried some falafel.
He yelled, “Let’s go, the boys and girls will soon be awake.”
“If you help me tonight, I’ll get the gym a new shake weight.”
On the sleigh, I hopped, with a plateful of snacks,
Tomorrow my nutrition will get back on track.
We started talking fitness, nutrition and such,
Santa showed me a picture of when he was buff.
“I wasn’t always chunky as you can see.”
“These dang milk and cookies have done this to me.”
“Oh coach, oh coach, what can I do?”
I replied, “squats and deadlifts, and do quite a few.
Elf tosses and pushups will get you just right,
Your arms and pecs will be nice and tight.
If you learn to eat well for most of the year,
A night of milk and cookies you need not fear.”
“Thanks coach, now let’s get back to work,
Tomorrow you can teach me the clean and jerk.”
Back to my house was the end of our flight.
But I heard him say as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
by Breakthrough Fitness
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Night of the Living Deadlifts - Saturday, Oct 29
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